Where Am I Going, And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Monday, June 05, 2006

Summer's Got Me Mighty Bitchy

My morning began irritably, thanks to an annoying Ann Coulter interview on the Today Show. I was going to start my bloggery by mocking that idiot whore, but my pal Lunchbox did a great job of it on his blog - so now I don't have to tax my precious typing fingers. Click on the link below to see it, it's pretty funny. You know, because she's a Moronic Nazi Hooker:

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=44574689&blogID=129505760&Mytoken=6D9C3DA7-00D7-4AD1-B3EF0B36E9BBD4781537120453

Okay, now that I've got that nasty phlegm outta my system, I can go on to bitch about something else. For those of you who do not live in Arizona and are blissfully ignorant, let me announce that not only is it Officially Fucking Summer here, but it means (you gotta understand) that it's also viciously & sadistically HOT. The flat air around us is searing. Even when it's perfectly quiet (because everything just died), you hear actual sizzling noises. Probably your brain baking, but still. Makes me kinda cranky.

And this is the general attitude of most residents, no matter how long you've been here. While there MUST be perks to living in the Valley of the Sun (I assume so only because hundreds of you pricks move here every day), we HomeTowners fail to recall what those supposed benefits are anymore (I think these memories reside in the baked chunk of the brain). We're the ones you glimpse during those quick flashes when we resign ourselves to being outside: that bitter walk from the car to the office/store/house. Don't try talking to me when you see me like this. I might not even hear you because I'll be growling. And my ears will have probably melted off by then.

HOWEVER, there are ways to survive the Fucking Summers. But you have to dig deep, and far back. To those Summers of Yore, when we were carefree kids splashing ourselves silly all day in our swimming pools. Except now we do it with beer. And lots of it.

Take Memorial Day Weekend - I house/dogsat over the long weekend. The twerps had just left to be with Grandma in Oregon for the summer, and poor Chris had to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive them halfway to meet Yaya, delivering them somewhere in the Nevada desert.
Bummer. Because I was already in the pool, on my way to a buzz & a sunburn long before the poor bastard even crossed Hoover Dam. And then my friends arrived, with pool toys and Lots O Booze. It was ON.

Posted by Marci Twitches :: 8:07 AM :: 0 Comments:

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