Where Am I Going, And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Totally loving this not drinking shit. Yeah.

I have gone one whole week without drinking.

That statement alone might not be terribly impressive to most well-adjusted folks. To others, it might be scary and you might be in awe of me. I am now your hero. Or else you are pitying me. Or wondering what kind of horrible life I have that forced me to be Without Drink. The horror!

Must admit that I've had some urges. But I've been fighting them better than I expected. Not so much a Fight - but I've been busy, or have distracted myself successfully, or wasn't otherwise unhappy, so that I didn't have to dwell on the Not Being Able To Drink part. There WERE a few moments when I though Hmmmm A beer would go quite nicely with this activity. Or Goddamn I could use a glass of wine with this whine.

But, there it is. A week has passed.

Although I did flip my shit yesterday because Chris didn't help me with the dishes. I snapped. Then I tried to correct it, but didn't get the response I wanted (No response. He never sinks to my level. It's pretty annoying). Then I cried. Then I sat on the floor of the bathroom and stared at the rug and cried. Then I felt better. Hahaha.

Chris is soooo thrilled. But then again, he quit smoking the smokey. It ain't no picnic at our house, to be sure.

And I have noticed that I can stay awake nearly all night now. Yay!
Oh, and I'm having dreams! I think after I get over this hump they won't be so nightmarish - I even had a dream last night where I looked down and saw a drink in my hand that perhaps I had drunk accidentally, and I panicked. Hahaha.

Posted by Marci Twitches :: 7:27 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Fucking New Year's Resolutions. Sigh.

SO. I've been biding my time with frivolous bloggery so that I can avoid my own suggestion to myself of formally documenting my Resolutions. I mean, if I make an Official Record of it, then I have to fucking do it.

While I'm eager to fulfill some of these Only-give-a-shit-on-January-first Resolutions, I'm a little freaked out by one in particular. And then I open myself up to accusations of hypocricy and general loserdom. Or simple Mockery. Yes. I know my friends love me, but I can also safely predict that after you bastards read on, and after the eyebrows are arched, the flow of snorts & giggles & mumblings of Good Fucking Luck will flow forth. Well fuck you! Nice friend you are!

So if I quit chewing on my fingers and wipe the blood off and get some band-aids and wrap my lil stubs tighly, so that I then have to quit using the excuse that I simply cannot type a goddamn thing because I'm trying not to bloody up work equipment because I respect my office (while ignoring the fact that I'm fucking off at work while I do this all day) - then I merely have to put fingerstump to keyboard and just come out with it.

Okay - my Resolutions for This Year are:
1. Play some tennis
2. Truly save up money and get our asses to Hawaii sometime, perhaps. Possibly.
3. Maybe get married along the way. For fuck's sake. I mean, really.
4. Um. Quit drinking?

So. If you know me well, then #4 might have caught your eye. Just a lil bit. Yeah, I said it. There.

So while I fully expect happy hours and mixers and dinners and all the things that are integral to my job and life to be as torturous as the Spanish Inquisition, I'm almost looking forward to it. I'm curious to see what the hell will happen to my body. If I'll be curled up in a sweaty corner of my cubicle because I skipped a drunken lunch with a buddy. Will I be twitching and crying and sucking down bottles of rubbing alcohol under the bathroom sink?

Okay, probably not. But the fact that this is Day #4 Without Booze and I'm patting myself on the back is probably saying something.

Holy crap. I thought I was done. I just re-read #2 and #3 and noticed that those are rather lofty goals as well. Hahahaha. Quiting drinking is tougher than those two?!?

Shit I'm fucked.


Saying good bye to codependant relationships. That bastard was a real enabler.


And no more Idiot Faces. Ah, shit. Wait. I do those anyway.


Posted by Marci Twitches :: 7:16 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Bastard Kitty & Walking on Water

I know I expose myself as a whiner when I complain about how I get no love from my fucking cat. I think if he was uglier I wouldn't mind. It's just that it's hard to learn my lesson when he rejects me - 10 minutes later I look at him and he's so fuckin' cute I just have to grab him and squeeze him. And then I become indignant when he swats at me. It's a vicious cycle. Little bastard hurts my feelings and I swear I'll never cuddle again. Then I try to hug him.
"Hi, you're cute." "Thanks. Why don't I just swat yer face."

So then I wait patiently for Mojo to electrocute himself on the Xmas lights, which I have yet to take down. Revenge takes time.

And I don't think I will take the lights down. I like them. Chris can kiss my grits if he thinks it looks white trash. His frickin' 8-foot bike blocking the downstairs bathroom and his Xbox Live cable wires hanging down from the loft pretty much take care of that.

SO. Chris and I spent a long weekend up at a buddy's cabin in Pinetop. It was a perfect weekend - played glow-in-the-dark frisbee at night, kicked everyone's ass at 90's trivia, curled up by the fire and read trashy magazines, flirted with icy ponds, and ate a whole helluva lot.

In my quest to prove my true divinity, I proved to the world that I can walk on water. Oh yes. It was ice, but whatever. I've never seen a frozen pond or lake in the state of Arizona so I was inordinately excited and slid all over the place. I walked out to the middle until it started to sound crunchy and Chris ordered me to return. It was pretty frickin' cool.
Aren't we just the cutest frickin' Element commercial?


Posted by Marci Twitches :: 7:00 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, January 06, 2006

Okay so Gary Coleman would have sucked too.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm an embarassingly faithful NPR fan. I even listen to it on weekends. I actually tune into "Car Talk", even though I don't give a flying shitfuck about cars. And I totally enjoy "Prairie Home Companion", and want to see "Hey Hey Whaddya Know" when it comes to town next month. I've been hinting to Chris, hoping he'll get us tickets. He just half-nods in that Fat Chance kind of way. Shit, I'd even be thrilled if he got one ticket and sent my ass on my way.

ANYWAY. I digress before I even begin.

So I was listening on my way into work and there was commentary about Schwarzenegger's State of the State address:

Schwarzenegger: 'I've Learned My Lesson'
by Ina Jaffe


Morning Edition, January 6, 2006 · California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger delivered his third State of the State address Thursday night. Schwarzenegger, who has suffered a drop in the polls and whose initiatives were defeated in a special election last November, struck a conciliatory tone.

I won't bore us with the details. I just wanted to add my own sophisticated political commentary to this:

"Well, DUH."

I was still living in California during the Grey Davis recall hullaballoo, and the follow-up election. There were so many whackjobs running, from Huffington to Gary Fucking Coleman - it would have been funny if I could've forgotten that we were talking about the governorship of an actual state with actual people in it. I was confident that the liberal state would somehow know better than to elect Arnold (don't feel like typing and retyping Schwarnzenhuggerfifegnuggen over and over), even if he's supposed to be a moderate. He's not. AND he's a fucking ACTOR. An actor! Even worse, an action film star! And WORSE than that, a grabass body builder with a heart condition (surely not because he used to juice up). Hahaha.

And then they elected him. Oh well.

I went to the Border Governors Conference in June, and most of them were in attendance. Naturally, I kept an eye out for Arnold. It had occured to me at some point that OH YEAH he's the actual and real and official Governor. Maybe he'll be there?

And he was On. It's like he was in character. It was kinda weird.


What, does he want to terminate the other Governors?


Posted by Marci Twitches :: 6:47 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, January 05, 2006

Assess THIS

So someone did an astrology chart for my girlfriend. She doesn't usually go for that stuff (although I DO remember I took her to see Mrs. Rita once hahaha oh flashbacks). BUT. It was accurate. Totally. It arrived in the mail yesterday and the fucker was pretty goddamn dead on, she said. DEAD ON. Like 85‰ totally accurate, 15‰ vague. It said a lot of positive things about her personality, but also totally picked out (accurately) her negatives. And a fella she's seeing wanted to discuss it - and she was adamately NOT keen on getting into it, or those facets of her personality. It's amazing how one can immediately switch the fuck OFF. Ha.

Yeah. I don't know if I want an (accurate) astrology chart done for me. Unless it's all good shit. I don't like being Officially Assessed when I'm not Unhappy About Myself (are we ever totally happy with ourselves?) - I also am NOT interested in facing shit unless it's my initiative. I suppose that's why interventions were invented. HA.

It's wacky that the astrology chart was right-on, though. I don't believe in any of that shit, and IF I'm going to be proven wrong and forced to face the fact that something like this can be Real, I want it to be religious, or have to do with a more worthwhile type of faith. I'm not thrilled with my Agnosticism, I'm resigned to to it. It's disappointing to me. HA. So I get convinced that Astrology is REAL, but not god? Hahaha. Shit.
And Off Switches are useful. I have one of those switches. I know where it comes from and what it means. I'm okay with it. I am perfectly content sharing space in my subconscious with My Issues. Oh well. We're complex. We're allowed.

She also went for a hike up a rather formidable mountain yesterday, for the first time since she took a really nasty tumble about a month ago. She wants to get new shoes, if only for the psychological benefits. She felt like a scaredy cat going down the mountain again. I think new shoes are a great idea, because they do make a difference - one's confidence level affects how they hike (or do anything). Scaredy cats cause their own accidents, I think, when they don't fully trust themselves.

Not that she's a scaredy cat - obviously, she ain't. Plus she made it out without biting it. Hee. She's actually probably the least Scaredy Cat Person I've ever known. So.

It's also not very impressive to me when someone jumps out of a plane if they weren't scared to do it in the first place. I'm impressed when people do things that scare them. THAT'S the tough thing.

Unless you're scared of picking flowers or something. Then you're a fucking pussy.

Posted by Marci Twitches :: 6:44 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Abramoff the A-hole

I am thrilled. Unabashedly THRILLED. I can't wait to see where his trail leads and who it ensares. Screwing those tribes the way he did. And the rest of the bullshit influence peddling.

How does one rationalize the inexcusable? I'm actually genuinely curious about the Psychology of it.

They must be piddling in their pants with fear on Capital Hill. Tee hee.

Posted by Marci Twitches :: 6:43 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I like my bike seat

Since my man's eyeballs are glued to the TV these days, thanks to the new Xbox ThreeSiddy, or as I like to call it, That Homewrecking Bitch - my recent days off were quite free to be with...myself. I was bitter for a few minutes, until my other relationship beckoned...my bike!

I decided to ride a few miles down the road to the dollar movies (which is all my post Xmas budget allows - refer to my previous post for, um, elaboration).

Anyone who didn't sleep through Geometry class knows that the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line. I didn't take that route.
I stopped at the park to read a lil bit and roll around with meself. I had all I needed.

Marry Poppins had her bag. I have a nappy backpack from frickin high school that weathered me through college and then some. Obviously. My 10 year-old shoelace keeping the fucker shut as shut can be. And while Mary Poppins pulled a frickin' floorlamp out of her goodie bag, mine is quite capable of holding its own spoonful of medicine as well. Yeah. Books and the camera and magazines and my journal and my cell and my "water" bottle and you get the picture. Everyone loves to see the Local Lush flopping all over the park, riding by dangerously close to their kids. HICCUP.

Park sounds are much more intimate when your ear is actually in the grass. Mmmm heavy breathing of dogs as they're let loose in the park. Sing-songy chattering of kids in the distance. Squeeky and gravelly and wheezing tire sounds everywhere. Soccer balls being kicked somewhere. Birds birds birds. I guess I can't complain too much about Arizona. This is January.


And there are way too many churches in my neighborhood. There's a Mormon & Catholic church within spitting distance (not that I literally know). Serves me right. This one isn't even in my hood.


Um. I guess I don't need thisseer talkin box no more.


Okay, this was awesome. I didn't know they were still making Murphy Beds. Much less selling them. At their own special stores. I always wanted one when I was little. Like in the old TV sitcoms they always hid their dates in them when the old folks stopped by unannounced. That was cool. I liked how they always popped up and down at the wrong moments.


Oh. And Americans are idiots.


Posted by Marci Twitches :: 6:19 PM :: 0 Comments:

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