Where Am I Going, And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Mojo the Mofo

I love my kitten. I really do.

However, the little fucker refuses to cuddle with me, when I'm the only one in the house that feeds him and cleans his shitbox. Chris traps him and treats him only marginally better than a prisoner at Abu Ghraib. And still Mojo runs to him for some lovin', always. He is totally submissive to him. Mojo is Daddy's Bitch. I get swatted at.

BITCHASS THINGS THE CAT DOES:

-hinders my cozy slumber by sleeping atop the pillow behind my head so that his tail flits up my nostrils periodically througout the night
-hinders my relaxation by climbing the shutters up to the ceiling and not being able to get down. Mews demonically until I stand on a chair and reach up to rescue him. Then he does it again.
-hinders my Getting of Some by burning his tail on the romantic candles not meant for him. The house proceeds to smell like bad perm for remainder of newly unromantic evening
-hinders ensuing auto-gratification by chewing through my lil vibrator wire, rendering it un-bzzzzzable. The Bullet no longer shoots. Sigh.
-hinders cleaning of litter box by suddenly deciding to poo while I am shoveling clumps
-hinders my commute by following me when I'm in a hurry and continuously swatting at my heels. Mostly when I'm closest to the top of the staircase.
-hinders gift-wrapping process by attacking ribbons
-hinders typing of my very important blathery tittle-tattles by walking atop keyboard
-hinders my sleep some more by attacking feet when attempting to shift positions. Every single time
-hinders cuddling by drawing blood when I try to pet him
-LOTS OF HINDERING IN GENERAL


MY fucking pillow, you little bastard

Posted by Marci Twitches :: 12:45 PM :: 0 Comments:

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