Where Am I Going, And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween - Apparently Kids Hate Us

So I was looking forward to this Halloween. I finally live in a neighborhood where I was practically guaranteed Kid Visits. A perk to having Steppies, right? I was excited. Because every place I’ve ever lived in, I’ve ended up sitting lonely on my couch, not one doorbell ringing, and chewing on candy I now had to eat all by myself because no fucking kids came by. It’s made me pretty sad.

So our condo faces a main residential drive, and we’re neighbored by a grade school, a Mormon and Catholic church (both reliable breeders), and a park. Primo Kid Geography. There’d be loads of kids coming by tonight fer sher. So Kelly & Paul came by and we forced their kids into costumes and they went trickertreating with Nick & Joey.

Then we moved our patio furniture out to the carport, lit orange candles, brought out 2 vats o candy. We listened to jazz on the boom box and we sat. With some cocktails. And some smoke.

We waited for the parade. We waited for a group of kids. We waited for a couple of twerps. We waited.

We became desperate. We’d holler out to kids walking on the other side of the street. If a kid passed our carport without stopping, Paul hooted at them to come back. They walked faster. The only ones that stopped were with parents. Hesitant ones that made me feel like a perve for being friendly. Just because I wanted to take pictures, they looked at me funny.

It was pathetic. We got fucking 20 kids (counting our 4).

Of the costumes:
-Nick was dressed as an old-school basketball player - fro & short shorts. We'd convinced him to go to school dressed up like that. Turns out he was one of only 2 kids in his whole high school that dressed up. Oopsies.
-Joey was King Arthur, in a really great costume designed & made by Chris. Joe kept telling everyone that gave him candy that his dad only spent $18 on the costume. He was pretty proud.
-Kelly's kid was coerced by me to wear my old goth-bride costume from last year (which I savagely insisted he wear off the shoulders). It was a neat reminder that I'm Actually An Adult. These are the only people that actually do what you tell them to do. So I took advantage.
-Billy Joe Armstrong. I figure Green Day has officially lost all their street cred when a 7 year-old dresses up like him for Halloween
-2 teens in a hodgepodge of military uniforms their dads possess. “Dad’s army jacket, dad’s border patrol pants, dad’s vest…”, sporting what I hope was a fake gun. I kinda wished my dad had been a cop so that maybe I’d have some Kevlar, just in case.
-A tiny little boy dressed as a fox or a dragon who could barely speak. I gave him a shitload of candy and took his picture.
-Future tramps dressed as a fairy and a princess and a pixie. They sucked. I didn’t take their picture. Gave them only a couple candies each. You know, because they were probably gonna practice purging later anyway.

So we were a little disappointed. I still figured it was better than, you know, Zero kids. Chris was secretly glad that he had 5 pounds of candy to himself.

Plus we had fun because we were drunk by then.

Posted by Marci Twitches :: 11:56 AM :: 0 Comments:

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